Reality check?

Last night I had a conversation with my partner that put me in a very bad mood.

I’ve been manically trying to start my own business for some years now, being one difficulty my absolute lack of interest for anything in particular, which makes it very difficult for me to choose a business to start.

Anyway, from time to time we talk about my goals in life, what I should be doing, etc. Basically I’ve been very unhappy for a long time simply because I want to run my own business and, until I accomplish that, I don’t believe I can be happy – there will always be something missing and I will always think that I don’t want to hear another word from my boss! Not that I think all bosses are stupid – I don’t think that! I just don’t want to be bossed around anymore.

So, yesterday we were talking about an idea I’ve been chewing for a little while and my boyfriend asked me if I have the funds to start this venture – “of course not!” I said. I will put everything on my credit cards. “But that will max you out”, he said. “And you don’t want to be maxed out in your credit cards”, he said again…

I know it is a very small thing, but that put me in such a bad mood. That also triggered another conversation – the topic being my capacity to actually run a business, considering I’ve never ran one. I have a little of a low self steem complex, and I don’t think I am very bright, and figuring out my way has been quite a challenge – I visit tons of business forums and websites and it seems like a lot of people simply go and do it! It seems so easy for them. And my questions are always the same: “Why can’t I start my business?” or “What am I not doing correctly?”; “Which pieces of the puzzle are missing?”

I honestly believe that once I start doing something concrete about this business thing, I will be able to have a better birds-eye view and the understanding will sink in…but I may just be too romantic about it.

In any case, I own it to myself to start my business…whether it fails (lesson learned) or succeeds (new car, new apartment, trip to Europe…lol).